Posts Tagged ‘broke wives club’

Your Strongest Ally – Your Attitude

You may have heard that your attitude is everything. It can make or break you. It can lift you up or knock you down. It determines how you live your life. The thing is that your attitude is your choice. You can choose what it will be. Will it be good or bad? Will it be optimistic or pessimistic? Will it be positive or negative?

Here are a few attitudes that I’ve been examining in my own life lately.

What others do, say or how they treat you should be of no concern to you. Your reaction to their behavior, their choice of words to describe you to others, their seemingly never-ending attacks on you – open or covert, and a myriad of other steps people like this take to try to take you down can all be stopped when you stop giving what they are doing energy! It’s that simple. Continue to react, get upset or stew about their actions and you dampen the one thing that can move you forward in life and that is your attitude. When you choose the path of no reaction, you are cutting off the head of the snake.

I’d like to thank my attitude for being strong against the viper stings and venomous attacks that have occurred recently in my life. Through diligent practice I am learning to ignore those who feel inclined toward vindictiveness.

How do you do this?

Know that what others think of you, are really just thoughts they have of themselves that they are not willing to accept and look inward to investigate the why’s of. They are not in a state of self-awareness. For instance, a person recently under-handedly called me phony and then within days they wrote about something in their life in a way that was extremely exaggerated. I knew what their reality was and shook my head when I saw this grandiose statement that made them seem like they had more than they actually do.

You are the only one in your life that knows the truth about you. Don’t feel you have to share every detail of your life with people even if they ask. This has been a huge lesson for me as, up until recently, I used to struggle with feeling like I needed to explain myself, to share personal details of my life with even my nearest and dearest. I’ve finally learned I don’t have to and if I don’t want my business to be other people’s business guess who has to keep shut her mouth. It’s hard at first as you have to ignore people’s questions or simply change the subject or say, ‘hey you know that’s not something I’m willing to talk about’. That is where setting boundaries come in.

I’ve been working on setting boundaries after being stung once again by people who have their own agendas for getting information from me.  I sat idly by one day as a person I had shared some sensitive information with repeated in a loud voice to other people, said information. I could not believe my ears. I said nothing and have said nothing to that person but have cut them completely out of my life. It took me a while but I had to come to realize as hard a pill as it was to swallow that the person had a personal agenda and I was just a pawn in their game of life.

Another person very dear to me sent me something as a present but there were strings attached. This person wanted to recruit me to their way of thinking. In the past, I had always just ignored or made comments to them that I figured they wanted to hear but this time I wrote a note to that person to thank them for the present however I did need them to respect my views as I respected theirs and not to send me more of this material. For the first time in my life I set a boundary with this person. I’ve not heard back from them.

I am going to say that gossip or having to know what’s going on is the worst attitude on this planet. A woman I know asked me one day if I knew what was going on down the street – there had been police and an ambulance at a neighbor’s house. I didn’t know nor had I even noticed in fact. She wants to be in the loop so badly that two days later she could not wait to tell me what she had discovered. The information she shared with me had no bearing on her life or mine at all and was simply gossip about another person’s lot in life. I walked out of that visit knowing that gossip is conversation for the idle. What happened in that person’s life was of no consequence to the story teller’s life other than to fill in the silent gaps that are present because there is no outside interest, desire to learn new things or take stock of their own lives and fix what needs to be fixed within.

My attitude has taken a major shift this past month or two. I’ve made some very profound choices and shifted my reactions to external events. It hasn’t been that long at all but I do now see that it is a process that I’ve been working on for quite a long time. It’s just all gelled and has become very clear to me what I need to do to keep my attitude at a level that enhances my life.

I’ve set boundaries and ceased the mindless gossip. I understand that people have personal agendas and know that I can keep my personal thoughts and information close to my vest without feeling like I’m hiding something. Finally, what others think of me are just thoughts about themselves they aren’t yet ready to face. My reaction and the attitude I hold, is first and foremost my strongest ally in this journey called life.

Living Louisiana – Gratitude

I have many people to thank for their kindness, generosity or simply their smile during my time in Louisiana. I may not acknowledge them all here but know if you came into my world these past two weeks you made an impact on my life and for that I am grateful. Specifically I’d like to thank:

Donna M. Butler for opening her home and sharing her family and friends with me and for calling me big head. We’ve shifted to a new level. Get ready for the ride of your life.

Ivy Butler for being my walking partner and unexpected life coach and for great tasting breakfasts. If you want a coach call Ivy now, don’t leave it another moment.

Ariane, beautiful Ariane, for sharing her room and all that she does to keep her family’s home tidy and the members fed. Someone needs to get her a flat iron and roller for her birthday.

Ellie, Michael and Savannah for being great kids and making me smile everyday. Always be detectives and find solutions to your problems.

Arielle for entertainment while watching The Bad Girls Club and Housewive’s of Beverly Hills.

Haley Patterson for flying in pregnant to co-host with us, and her boys who stayed at home.

T.A, Zarrius & Mikeayla for great hugs.

Tristan for being such an adorable little boy and making motherhood look so inviting with your happy, content attitude.

Nina for pinch-hitting on the show and for sharing her incredible talent. Also for her infectious cackle.

Pat and her family for making me feel at home and for delicious Louisiana cooking.

Jim Colbert for believing in TBWC and bringing in the crew to film our first shows and broadcasting his radio show live from there.

The Joan for a great cut and color, what could be very fun opportunity, and stunning earrings and a bracelet that rock!

Mikeayla Butler for dropping by to say hi. Stay longer next time girl.

The sponsors of our Attitude Shifting event who sent books, CD’s & food.

All the women who came and took part in the event including, Michelle for that very cool thing you did. Jacque and Janine for sharing sage advice.

Cynthia for a gorgeous silver ring which I will cherish as I do our long time friendship.

Donna’s mum for the coffee pot and being a generous when we were up against it.

Anne and her Mum for a great mani/pedi and THE treat.

To Shirnell and Kenyatta for their style. Butterfly rings and all.

The gang at Chili’s for taking good care of us.

And to my significant other, John, for surviving while I was away, his undying support of my dreams, and not losing his only suit that wasn’t moth-eaten in our old house.

Living Louisiana – Leaving Louisiana

“Have a nice flight ma’am”, the gentleman at the ticket counter at Baton Rouge airport said as I was collecting my carry on bags and heading off to the gate for boarding. Today, I left Louisiana. (See my previous entries titled Living Louisiana, for the entire story, if you missed them.)

As I sat waiting for the announcement to board I noticed two billboards in the airport lounge. The first one read – southern hospitality, of which there was much during my time here. Then next to it, was one that stated:

New View, Same Vision

A coincidence? I think not. It has been a new view traveling to the south yet our (meaning my partners and I) vision for The Broke Wives Club remains the same. The goal? To create the world’s largest tow chain of women inspiring, coaching, sharing with, and supporting one another on their journey from broke to stoked and beyond through developing our awareness of who we are, what we truly want and the thoughts, feelings and paradigms that hold us back from being all we can be.

These past 17 or 18 months creating this movement of women who are shifting their attitudes and revving up their lives from broke to stoked, by shifting their thoughts, patterns and beliefs that have limited their growth as purpose-driven beings, has definitely been attitude shifting for me as well, yet it took this weekend for the realization to settle in that I am already stoked. My enthusiasm for life and to create a life I have always dreamed of has always been there. The thin veil around it just needed to be lifted. Who I am, who I am to be, has always been available to me, I just needed to open my eyes and let the fog of pessimism, the feelings of deprivation and lack, and the limiting beliefs and unflattering behaviors that no longer serve me as a strong, confident, vital, successful, loving, inspiring woman fade.

As with everything and according to our friend and titanium link of The Broke Wives Club, Dr. Alex Ledgister, practice makes permanent not perfect. This permanency comes through the practice of self-awareness. Becoming conscious of our thoughts, behaviors, patterns and beliefs that often rule our existence is paramount to shifting from a life of limitations and self-doubt and to one of abundance and generosity without expectation.

We have tools available to us to shift anything we set our minds to. One participant of this weekend’s Attitude Shifting event was sharing with me that she knew she talked too much and that her motor mouth had curtailed the number of friends she has. She shared with me that friends rarely call her to go for a quick coffee. She is always the one instigating the get together. This obviously made her feel sad and frustrated. By becoming aware that she talks more than necessary is her first step to shifting her social life from broke to stoked. Acknowledgment of these types of things is key to making a positive difference in your life.

This is not a difficult process if you are willing to look deeper into your life and the role you play in your lack of contentment. To start, she acknowledged she talked too much and then she figured out she did that because like most everyone she likes to talk about herself. It’s what she knows and in that knowing comes comfort. Talking may be her way of covering up nervousness in a crowd or a need for attention. It could be any number of reasons but the sheer act she knows she does it, is tremendous.

Her exercise to take home with her is to simply be aware that she is prattling on and stop herself, take a breath or pause allowing the other person or people in the conversation to respond. Take time to listen, avoid interrupting, and edit out the peripheral chatter that just takes up time. You may find yourself involved in more meaningful conversation with this easy fix. This simple practice may make all the difference in the world for her and her relationships with other people.

Practice makes permanent so get out on the field of life and play the game with heart, enthusiasm, make smart plays by being aware of the entire field ahead of you, and focus on the goal. When you do this you win.

Tomorrow I will close this Living Louisiana series writing about gratitude, another vital aspect of shifting gears from broke to stoked and beyond.

Living Louisiana – Lights and Action

“Where’s Siobhan? We need her on set”, could be heard throughout the house here in Zachary, Louisiana as the film crew was gearing up to turn the cameras on and point them in the direction of myself and my co-hosts, Haley Patterson and Donna M. Butler. Yesterday, we filmed episodes of our new brand of talk show. In addition to our show on Blog Talk Radio, The Attitude Shift, we’re now doing a TV version.  Where was I? Doing my own hair and make-up. As with the entire creation of The Broke Wives Club there was no budget for that luxury.

We are making it happen for ourselves by doing what we can with what we have and what is donated.We’ve come to this point by working our way from broke to stoked using the advice and tools from our expert mentors who have guided us on everything from being more aware of our thoughts and patterns that no longer serve our needs, to learning about creating financial freedom.

One of our generous sponsors in Baton Rouge treated me to a cut and color and I must say I’m looking good! The Joan , owner of MoHair Salon, is not only a talented hair stylist and colorist she has quickly become a friend and a strong, guiding light and titanium link for the club sharing her advice and experience with our attitude shifting movement. She built her entrepreneurial success on courage to reach out to others, strength of commitment to get the job done, an impressive willingness to share what she has and knows with others, and love for life.

Tonight we all went to Donna M‘s sissy’s house for some delicious Louisiana style food. I got to eat some red beans and rice, a dish that had eluded me on this visit until today – many thanks to Pat for making it for us. It’s the day after filming and today we had wealth accumulation expert, Janine Bolon of Smart Cents Inc and author of Money: It’s Not Just for Rich People, here to share how she went from living with the empty wallet syndrome to a multimillionaire in 7 years without buying real estate. She tells us there are 3 steps to financial freedom.

Up on Pat’s treadmill was speaker and author, Jacque Miller. She’s a behavioral nutritionist so not only was the treadmill an appropriate stage, she shared some tips on how to make healthy lifestyle choices and explained how your behavior effects your health. If you feel health is a major part of your life then she’s a great person to hear from. Jacque said something very powerful, “There are two choices you have when you are in a situation that is stressful. You can change the situation or change how you think about it.”

I am definitely grateful for the people who turned out this weekend and for those who have stood with me and to my loved ones who encourage me everyday to keep on keeping on to make this dream a reality. I certainly have several thank you notes to write this week.

P.S. The tattoo is a temporary one Jacque Miller had stenciled on for our attitude shifting weekend event. Very cool. 

Living Louisiana – Warming Up

“Eat my comfort zone”, the line that cut the air tonight as Donna M and I were convincing a friend of The Broke Wives’ Club over the deafening cheers for the Seattle Seahawks, to introduce us at the filming next weekend. Stuck. That’s what with her. She’s stuck like a tongue on a freezing cold pole and you know how that can hurt if you attempt to take it off. That kind of  ‘it’ll hurt’ type of fear stops many people from taking advantage of opportunity that comes their way, reaching their potential and realizing their dreams. As she tried to pry us off her, she threw out every excuse she could come up with not to do this task. Yes, I certainly understand fear of speaking in public as I still don’t have that down but everyday I just keep pushing it forward as Donna M encourages me to do and one day it’ll be like water off a ducks back.  The funny thing is, this woman is smooth and polished when she speaks in public yet she gives us grief for asking her to do something we feel she shines at. We have to believe in ourselves, drop the self-consciousness and keep taking steps that create opportunity for us to practice those things we shy from doing. One day we’ll say ‘ bring it on’ and mean it.

As day 4 in Louisiana comes to a close, Donna M and I’ve been planning, planning and planning our attitude shifting event weekend. We have shifted our attitudes over the past 18 months from that fear stance to an ‘it’ll all come together’ attitude, and we do not let not knowing how it’ll turn out frighten us from moving this event forward. One dip in the road we’ve hit that isn’t churning our stomachs is that we’ve been able to fly Haley in from Seattle but not back.. yet. Will she get home after the event. Yes. Are we sure?  Yes. Do we know how. No, yet we know something will come along and make that a reality. We may not know what do about some aspect of the event today but we have faith and confidence we can get it all accomplished because we are giving it our all.

Living Louisiana

“Who left the kid? “A question asked by Donna M’s 7-year old son, Michael when he came out of his room and once again the Butler’s revolving door of welcome spun and one of Donna M’s grandbabies arrived for the night. I’ve been here less than 48-hours in Zachary, Louisiana for the first of many Broke Wives Club Attitude Shifting events, and it’s been a whirlwind of activity. It’s a shift in lifestyle and attitude which I have to manage. I’m here for 2 weeks. So how do you handle an unfamiliar environment? You go with the flow or don’t go at all. Going and finding out about new places, faces and spaces is a way to shift to a new, improved attitude. It’s those times in your life when you see how other people live, what another part of the country or world is like, that you begin to understand we are all connected at a base level. We are all human beings. We all bleed the same color blood. On so many levels we are alike. It’s the things where we differ that create a fantastic environment for learning about yourself and tearing down barriers.

I’ll blog more about what I learning, discovering, and shifting as the visit continues however one thing I know to do is get enough sleep to deal with the excitement and frantic pace life takes in Donna M’s world.

Is Your Ego in the Driver’s Seat?

Yesterday, I talked about thought rot and the fear-based aspect of it. To define thought rot again for those of you who missed yesterday’s post, it’s a mind-attacking virus we pick up from what other people think and beliefs we’ve chosen to harbor over our lifetime. ( the virus is a figment of my imagination, and not a new, strain of the flu bug) One person emailed to say thank-you, she needed to read about that and she promised to never let thought rot take over. My skeptical side, doesn’t expect she can keep that promise, but then by thinking that, I’d be infecting her mind with my negative thoughts. Instead, I’m optimistic, that now she’s aware of it, she will not let it take root so deeply in the future.

Today, let’s take a look at the ego-driven aspect of this deep-seated thought degeneration.  As I’ve said before, I have to live it and learn it, to be able to share it and what you read in this blog is a result of what is going on in my existence and the moments of clarity I tune into as I journey from broke to stoked.

From time to time, I have been hit with recurring bouts of ego-driven thought rot. When my ego-driven thought rot rears its ugly head, even those of you with strong stomachs, would turn your heads in disgust.  I am often the creative mind and the writer behind a concept but no one knows it. The material I conceive of and write, like many copy writers and ghost writers, will be used by someone else who is the spokesperson for an organization. They are the ones who put their voice and face to the creative work. From the public’s perspective, it’s their material, when in fact it is a person in the background, like me, who conceived the idea, or wrote the material.

At times it’s tough to take for this Leo. I couldn’t have been born under a better or a worse astrological sign. I’ve got a lot of great qualities like being spirited and fun-loving, but the one that roars like a lion is my need, to feel as if I’m the center of attention and under the spotlight of appreciation. This can cause severe thought rot to permeate my mind. At times, I get so frustrated hearing my words or ideas, come from someone else’s mouth, I feel like standing on the roof and actually shouting to the world that the interesting passage in that book, or that funny line in that commercial or the cool name of that company, was my brain child. I would bet most people get a sense of this ego-driven thought rot from time to time even if they weren’t born under this sun sign.

It’s human nature to want to feel validated. As you can see, ego-driven thought rot comes from within, not actually from what others say or do. It’s a form of insecurity to want the attention that someone else is getting. It ‘s nice when people appreciate your gifts and talents but when it’s not in your job description to be the face behind the ideas then you have to:

1. Acknowledge those feelings exist,

2. Swallow your ego and …

3. Let the negative, ‘hey what about me’ feelings that well up inside, go.

4. Replace them with self-validating mantras like; “I am creative; I have interesting ideas; I’m forward thinking; I’m humorous.

5. Even ask your loved ones to point out things about your work that they feel show your talent. Hey, they aren’t the rest of the world, but what they have to say will go a long way to helping you feel you are a worthy individual.

Turn your thoughts to ones like these that are self-supporting. You know you wrote or created that cool concept and that’s all that matters. Be proud that you have the talent. Consider that the more you create, the more you write, the more practice you get, the better your creative skills will become and that means something in the long run. The people mouthing your words, or dining out on your concepts aren’t developing those highly creative skills but you are, and there’s a reason you are, so drink that in and let that be your spotlight. If you still want to be under the spotlight then focus your energies that way.

a. Write a blog,

b. Record some videos,

c. Do a podcast

d. Take some courses that will improve on your talents.

Continually fine tune your talents. You’ll soon become your own spokesperson and the creative abilities you have, will be appreciated by the world.

I now look at these situations when I’m feeling left out of the limelight that I am doing my job and in fact helping someone else reach for  their dreams and in turn the universe will help me reach mine. I’m learning to have patience and accept each project I do as another cog in the wheel of my personal and professional development. I’m guessing that the most important ideas and words I have to share with the world, have yet  to have been thought of, and one day when they come to me, I’ll be the one to share them.

Shift your attitude and stay stoked about life.

Siobhan Shaw is the Producer & Co-host of The Attitude Shift & Co-founder of The Broke Wives Club.